courtesy of Cook Children’s Urgent Care and Pediatric Specialties
It’s been said that we are our child’s favorite “toy.” If we become emotional when our children don’t follow rules, we provide entertainment, a distraction from the issue at hand, and provide an example of the behavior we want to discourage in our kids. By reacting negatively when kids don’t behave we’re in a sense rewarding the child with attention for misbehaving.
It’s natural to nag your kids when you get frustrated. Strong-willed children can be especially challenging. However, nagging can cause damage to a child’s self-esteem, as it seems to imply our child can’t be responsible to do the right thing without constant badgering. We as parents become the “bad guys,” allowing our children to focus on our frustration and loss of control rather than their own choices.
Annoying. Scolding. Complaining. Finding fault. If any of this worked on our children, we’d only nag once, but then it wouldn’t really be nagging. If kids know you will repeat your directive or complaint, they don’t have to stop because you’ll repeat the message.
So what’s a parent to do to get their kids to clean their room? One idea is to discuss with your child what your expectations are on a daily basis, make a list with a deadline for each, and post it in a prominent location. Then make sure they know the consequences of not meeting those expectations.
Nagging is most tempting when the daily “necessary evils” of chores and 
homework are concerned. If your child understands that he or she must have a clean room before bedtime or every Saturday by noon, he or she will have no excuse to argue when that time comes to get it done (not to say that arguments will magically disappear – when kids are tired, anxious, upset, they’ll be reluctant to do anything constructive).
Positive reinforcement is a great reward for compliance. Post a list of chores and daily activities – brushing teeth, bathing, etc – with a reward at the end of the day or week for taking responsibility to get these things done. Rewards can be decided with your child, preferably not material items, but an extra story at bedtime, a walk with mom or dad, playing a board game of the child’s choice. You can write these rewards on slips of paper to be put into a reward box the child decorates or a jar.
If your child is a preschooler, you can draw pictures for activities and most children enjoy putting gold stars on an activity chart that can be downloaded from the Internet (search for “Behavior Charts”). With younger children or very active children, it is important to make eye contact with the child when prompting them. “Would you like me to remind you about cleaning your room?”
Even for older kids, extra time on the computer or points toward a new video game purchase or rental can work. The idea is to create an understanding that you will no longer nag. You will refer to the chart or state (once) “I noticed you have not brushed your teeth and taken your bath yet, and it is almost bedtime. You still have time to get that extra story/video game credit.” With consistency, children will realize that they are responsible for getting things done, and that life will be better when they do.
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Cook Children’s Urgent Care and Pediatric Specialties
2727 E. Southlake Blvd.
Southlake, TX 76092
682-885-6000 phone
cookchildrens.org/southlake
